If It Is Meant To Be

What's meant to be always find it's way...

I've always believed that destiny is just an excuse of letting things happen instead of making things happen. But now I don't! Lol! ( okay, being the stubborn me, I would every now and then try to 'force' things my way. Not a good idea always! Lol!)

About seven years ago, I broke up with a good guy. It was my fault. I just left him hanging in there. It was terrible as my heart wanted to sail to the unknown. I was stubborn and inconsiderate. I am impulsive and very reactive. I left without letting him know.


A few days or a week, I received a call from my mom saying this guy had committed a suicide and the mom was asking my mom if she knows why. The guy was in a coma. I was, back then, shaking! I have no idea! I have no idea! I have no idea! Yes! I was soo shocked that I really wanted to come back home. But my friend insisted on to just let it go and what would I do if I am back? I will just be hated anyway! (yeah, yeah, I was like heartless!) He was able to survive and was able to contact my mom. My mom told him to just forget about me 'cause he deserves someone better. And I know he was able to rise above it and get well, but I don't have the heart yet to tell him I was sorry. when I had established myself, like a place to stay, foods, etc. I tried to contact him. No luck. I asked my mom to contact him and tell him I'm sorry. But the number wasn't active anymore. I tried and tried and kept on going back to this friendster account hoping I'd see him. I really wanted to say sorry. But I had no luck. I even searched for him on fb. It took me years to finally stopped and just let things go...


Until one day, someone sent a friend request to me. And he introduced himself. What's even silly is that he just saw my comment from one of the people who is my friend from which he was subscribed to. It was him!!! Oh my goodness!!! It was him! And I don't know how! I don't know how to react! First thing was first. Asked each other how each other had been. And a few more catch ups. And my apologies.


It was like magic! By God's grace through God's perfect time! PERFECT!!!!! I also believe if I had met up with him earlier, I would just cause a lot of hurt on him. Thank goodness that I think God knows I am not capable of hurting this person anymore in anyway. And so, even when I haven't done anything, it just happened! Right before my very eyes, in a day like any other day, an ordinary day. A miracle happened! ( though you and my life is already a miracle in itself) And I don't know what to make up with that but---- God is good!


We do not talk anymore and I feel I could die without any regret for I was able to say my heartfelt apology to this person. But, I am living and that proves I still have a lot of learning to do. I only wish he could find the loveliest girl for him. The one he so rightfully deserves.


In God's perfect time, what's meant to be will always have it's way. And if it's not happening any moment right now-- appreciate the things, people and events this very moment for they could even be greater than the one you wished for. Remember, God knows what we need, he hears what we want, but always delivers what's best for us. <3

P.S.
Having said everything that I have said, also know this is not to tell you that you should just wait and let things happen. (lazy) No! There are those that you can make things happen! You must know when to draw the line. (wisdom and courage)
<3 <3 <3

Child

( For parents - it is very tempting that sometimes we wish we could take all the suffering this world has to offer for our children. If we could, we would definitely do it! But we know that isn't a loving thing to do to our children, for our children by a loving parent. And so we let them learn. ( plus, we really can't do it all the time, lol!) But still, there will always be an enormous shield of love to protect them.)


Child,

When you were born,
your presence was adorned
by your lover, your mother
The one who cared and took over!


Wells in her eyes are overflowing!
For she could no longer contain
the deepest joy from her heart,
drowning in all the pains of her life!


You could turn her into an instant freak,
Or give her an absolute happiness in a quick!
You could make her bend in any form you please,
Still she doesn't mind, if that means to watch you in a bliss!


And she never gets tired, but would sometimes get mad.
But a smile from you, would make her feel glad!
And she never complains, if loving you is the case.
For your mother is a lover that loves relentlessly in any phase!


And so child,
doubt whom you will,
but not your Mom who feels
your pain ten times more than you!


Not the mother who,
would always hold you ever gently,
enveloped with unconditional love,
and surrounded by tender care.


All the pains this world has to offer?
Your mom will always gets you cover!
Drifts of happiness by your existence,
flowing in her heart without resistance!


And child,
though your mother is a worrier,
she is also a warrior! And her life for you, she'll submit.
'Cause on loving you, she fully commits!


Child,

For your mother,
You are priceless like none other!
You are her Heaven here on Earth!
And it will stay like that forever!

An Ending I Did Not Expect

"I'm not going there to die, I'm going to find out if I'm alive."

These words had wrecked me, completely. (in a good way of course!) sometimes we fail to ask ourselves or to even bother to know ourselves. What makes us come alive? Do we know? And if we do, are we doing it?


I am not someone who would say, if you're living your life or not. But, with God's grace I have been living the life that I need to be living. Through faith unto Him, I have humbly learned that if i have got no control over the turning of events in my life, then He is absolutely taking care of it all! And it weakens me, to my knees , that I have got someone who's taking care of the bigger business in my life, for me. And the feeling of submission unto Him, I feel like enveloped in a warm cloth, held so ever gently. And I have never been more sure in my life, than that of the feelings that I felt. That I am safe, and loved. That I am fully covered by His grace. By His unbridled mercy. By His unconditional love. And it brings joy to my very core, to every fiber of my being, that I am always where I should be.


And if you ever asked me again if I'm living the life of my dreams? No! if you were to ask me a year ago. But, today? I am living in it! No, not just living in it, I have also live my life. More than I could ever dare to dream of! With bonuses and interests that I don't know where came from! Lol!


And ever since that liberating event in my life, I have been thanking Him silently, quietly, no one could ever hear how grateful I am, but Him from the whispers of my heart. But today, I wanna take this small space to thank God, for everything. Even the smallest particle in my body have learned to adore the Lover that loves relentlessly!
And every moment spent unto Him is a moment of eternal love from a Parent to His child.


And because of this, of the overflowing love I have unto Him, I know I am alive! And because of this I also learned that.... I will have to respectfully disagree with the quote above... I have gone out too, yes! but the place where I have found out that I am alive is in me, within me. Because I know that God is at the very center of my being! And that's what makes me come alive! The love within me. The unconditional self-love.......

And the Divine love! <3

You Are The Miracle

You Are The Miracle

You said,
It's getting harder for you to breath.
You wished you could just take a leap,
but still it terrifies you to fall in the deep.

And I was thinking,
We are always where we should be.
And that life unfolds perfectly
And you have to live this life to see
that...


You are a miracle!
Joy in a bundle
with a heart that sparkle
and a smile that could cuddle
the world, or a part of it
it doesn't matter! For you alone
is a miracle on your own!
And though there are things
that you could never learn
to leave behind or grow apart.
People you will always
hold on, let go, laugh with
or cry over, your eyes
will continue to shine. It will
never stop for God is always
for you, not against.
Not because, but in spite of you.
The only One who can
capture the whole of you
You are the miracle!
Yes, you are!
Light of the oracle
there's no obstacle
that you can't handle
'cause you are always
in God's mighty cradle!

Jazz

You said "step in and shine for with a love like yours, you'll be able to change lives..."


I can't thank you enough
No, the words in the world
are not enough
To thank you enough

Back then, I don't know you
Your name or your gender
But I feel you and I think,
that's more than enough

I feel you every time you speak
I feel my emotion's at it's peak
For you've created a space I can relate
Yes, I'm one with you, I can't debate


I don't know how it happens
But my heart you always brightens
Whenever I want to hide and cover up
Your words, like enchanting magic comes up


And then I feel you again
Like you have taken this body
Out of this restless lady
And light shines all suddenly!


And I'm back on my feet
This time you won't let me sit
You said, "step, step on it
'cause you're ready for it!"


So slowly, gently, I'll submit
Bravely step up and commit
For with a heart like yours
I'm inspire to open doors

Fly

FLY

I want to walk in the unknown
To experience how much my lungs,
Craves for the taste of fresh air!
I want to come to you, knowing I have flown!


I want to feel the snowflakes
As it gently falls all over me
I want my eyes to see it's not fake
And through my palms, I wanna take


I want to fly in the Autumn
And see how the trees set
For they marvelously imitate,
The wondrous colors of the sunset!


I want to stop by in Spring
And be amazed by the blooms it bring!
I want to smell the air at this time
And if I could, I'd definitely bring with mine!


And how about the summer scent?
Yes! I love it like it's heaven sent!
The rays you could wear as garment!
And it warmly smiles like your parent!


I want to fly in the unknown!
And by means of everything, be blown!
I want to witness, my life has never shown!
And I will do it, at the breaking of this new dawn!

I Remember You

Just before I close my eyes
Something here in my heart lies
Memories of you that never dies
Now my mind wander and flies


Back to the days of laughter
Down to the nights of thunder
As we travel each other's life's trailer
I hear you clearer, feel you nearer


And I wonder how we lose sight
When we never really care who's right
I'd travel faster than the speed of light
Just to have that one moment when everything's at it's height


(Just before I close my eyes
Something in my heart lies)

I remember you, the gentle you
I thought of you, the clever you
I missed you, the funny you
I love you, the soul in you


(Memories of you that never dies
Now my mind wander and flies)

Standing at the edge of the earth
Patiently waiting for a rebirth
Even if it took a thousand years
I firmly believe Love and Destiny hears..


So, slowly, happily I'll close my eyes
And when I go outside the common of dreams
I will sure to meet you in that field
A place where you and I could both live.....
And never will I remember you again,
For never will we, ever part again...


Photo credit: Boyet Avila

Lost For Words Again

And I stare at the moon,
It's full moon, in full bloom
And I wonder if you could see it?
Round and bright
Just how I see it!


And suddenly I felt nostalgic
How we've crossed paths was like magic
Your words have become my music
And I know our connection will be classic


You are the silent one; and on the screaming side, I'm fond
You always answer with a short smile; and I answer in miles
You would scold me; and I'd rebel by answering boldly


Though I am warmly held with silk from another lifetime
And You're someone I can never touch bcoz you're so near
Yet far enough that I can't see and hear
I want you to know these feelings are real;


That I love you!
That there is something about this relationship
That I can not put into words no matter how the feelings shift
And so I don't know if I'm expressing enough
My joy in celebrating your existence in my life
But I love you!


So a lifetime isn't enough for thanking you
I'd like to save forever for you

The kind that Let things Be
The one that is not attached
Yet love each other so much

The kind that would always bind us
Like the brightness of the day as to the darkest of the night

By the time I am finished with what I have to say
A new day is on it's way
For the sun is waving it's ray
A new beginning it lays

And then I'm lost for words again
Maybe, all of my feelings, one day
For you, I'd be able to express all away!


Photo credit: Boyet Avila

would you believe me if i tell you a secret?

Man in my Life

To the guy whom I know and I will put everything I've got for he'll always have my back no matter what- love you!

I am still amazed of how we've grown so much. From always arguing with each other to now agreeing with each other. For being my first enemy to now being my strongest ally. The only man I know who never told me I'm beautiful. The only man I know who just know how to beat the crap out of me. Who say things that I can't even choke up, but I laughed at it coz you're so funny when you're trying to scold me. Or say my reality as how you see it. And bcoz most of the times it's true, I don't argue with you. (okay I kept on explaining why I'm right?) haha!

I don't think I've ever stretched enough how much I love you. But I love you in my own little sarcastic ways-which you probably won't notice. I love you in my own annoying words-in which by the way, you get really annoyed. But that's how I get you! That's how I can be sure you'll answer me back. I never cared much about hurting your feelings,nor do you. I don't do it on purpose, neither do you. Sorry, is a word we don't use. We don't do it! We don't also use love. But, we both know when the heart is sorry, coz our hearts felt love.

Through the years of growing together and growing apart, I think you are absolutely the gorgeous man ever lived! (how about Patrick Dempsey? Lol!) In my eyes, I'll never love a man like I love you! Coz in my life, there will never be someone like you! Someone who can get under my skin, but never needed the word sorry to make me feel better. Someone who always say I look horrible and that's just the word I needed to make me feel I'm pretty good. Someone who supports my crazy little ideas by discouraging me first and telling me to do it anyway. Great! And someone whom I'll never have anything soo good to say about, but I would certainly give everything I've got! This is my man. This is my brother! And I love him like freakinly, horribly bad? Lol! I love him like heck!

Much love :')

Photo credit: Boyet Avila

do you see a ghost?

 

The Painting

Last night, I told someone my life has breathed easier bcoz that person is living.

To you,
I'm sorry that i never get tired of telling you how much you inspire me. I'm sorry that I can't help always admiring what you do, what you say, bcoz you are absolutely a stunning star! I'm sorry that time and time again you blew me away. I'm sorry that you can't do anything about how I feel, and no matter what you think you'll always be that soul I'll always look back to have a glance and forward to look ahead of my time.
I'm sorry for hurting you.

I've never wanted so much in my life. But everytime I'd look at this person I kinda tell myself, is there a person whose life breathed easier bcoz I've lived? Being a blessing to someone's life everyday even when I'm living in my own truth? That's just too unimaginable! But this person makes it so damn easy! Okay, maybe you're having tough times too, but you're rising above it everytime! And that's just freakinly awesome!

Ages ago, you've invested in me everything that is loving, selfless, full of joy... Everything you've learned in life you gave/taught me generously and bravely. It might be too much to say that everything I am right now is all bcoz of you, but a large part of me, where love, self-love, giving, etc. Is really in reality all bcoz of you.

Someday, one day, I'd still want to be friends with you. I'd still want to see how you'd grow to be that feisty but soft person I used to know. I'd still think you're the greatest! I'd still think you're ageless! I'd still think in my life- there'll be no one absolutely like you! By thinking that alone-it makes me want to jump out on the couch.

"By the sea, with forest behind it for you in a place between our countries. And you can meet me there later in life. And you can take photos and I can paint." -- the most beautiful painting I've never laid my eyes on. But my heart has seen a thousand times!